this infection

Inside of me there is a hole
as deep and black as any pit.
The truth is, that my only goal
is finding something that will fit
and somehow fit inside of it
so that I am no longer bare.
It makes me mad enough to spit,
I end up pulling out my hair.

I didn't lie. I never stole.
I only pierced my bottom lip
in an attempt to fix my soul -
reactions are a brutal hit.
It startles me and then I trip.
It shouldn't matter, I don't care
if you don't like the way I strip.
I end up pulling out my hair.

I chase the high when I am low.
I do it for the thrill of it.
I like to take off all my clothes
in front of strangers. Here's a tip -
desire's something you can skip
if everyone just stops and stares.
It makes me want to gouge and rip.
I end up pulling out my hair.

I do not have a solid grip
on all the things that brought me here.
I'm confused. There is a split.
I end up pulling out my hair