There's Nothing For Me In This Town

There's nothing for me in this town.
It's cold outside. The air is still.
I'll burn this place straight to the ground.

My heart lives in the lost and found.
I do love you. There's no ill will.
There's nothing for me in this town.

I'm not allowed to make a sound -
it takes a certain kind of skill.
I'll burn this place straight to the ground.

I wear a stolen evening gown
and curl up on the window-sill.
There's nothing for me in this town.

The patron saint of those who drown.
They choke me up with sleeping pills.
I'll burn this place straight to the ground.

They beat me up and stole my crown.
They moved in and they took the kill.
There's nothing for me in this town.
I'll burn this place straight to the ground.

I'm Sick, But I Am Not A Slut

I'm sick, but I am not a slut.
I am the tragic heroine.
I look for love in strange men's trucks.

Men only like the way I fuck.
This hate is naked on my skin.
I'm sick, but I am not a slut.

You make me drink from paper cups.
My lips are pierced with rusted pins.
I look for love in strange men's trucks.

I've never had the best of luck.
I always lose. You always win.
I'm sick, but I am not a slut.

The tides are calm when I throw up.
The angels walk among the thin.
I look for love in strange men's trucks.

You force me down and make me suck.
There is no mirth within your grin.
I'm sick, but I am not a slut.
I look for love in strange men's trucks.

the bell jar walls (lost villanelle from 2007)

i rage and rage against my skin
and smoke too many cigarettes
the bell jar walls, they settle in

it's such a rush, adrenalin
to use my blood to pay this debt
i rage and rage aganist my skin

and overdose on vitamins
i always want what i can't get
the bell jar walls, they settle in

with all the things that could have been
i wish that we had never met
i rage and rage against my skin

i must admit, to my chagrin
that i am not your juliet
the bell jar walls, they settle in

a mandolin, a violin
there's something here that i regret
i rage and rage aganist my skin
the bell jar walls, they settle in

dead in a ditch

In another life, I'd have been burnt as a witch,
my body, caressed by the billowing flames.
In this life, I'll be found dead in a ditch.


They look at my arms and they say that I'm sick.
I never was given the chance to explain.
In another life, I'd have been burnt as a witch.

Under my sleeves, I hide all kinds of tricks
but all of it's real. This isn't a game.
In this life, I'll be found dead in a ditch.

Barbed wire is strung through the holes in my lips.
I stood by the mirror and chanted your name.
In another life, I'd have been burnt as a witch.

They put me together with stitch after stitch.
I cut to the bone when I aimed for the vein.
In this life, I'll be found dead in a ditch.

If I'm to be murdered, please let it be quick - 
did she kill herself, or has she been slain?
In another life, I'd have been burnt as a witch.
In this life, I'll be found dead in a ditch.

i am the suicide queen

these scars prove that i am the suicide queen
it's not that i don't like it here, it's that i don't belong
i should have killed myself when i was nineteen

i never fit in with the popular scene
because i am weak, i am drawn to the strong
these scars prove that i am the suicide queen

i don't understand why my brother is mean
if this is a head game, then i was his pawn
i should have killed myself when i was nineteen

i'll starve myself so i can fit in your jeans
i tell you i'm sick but you never respond
these scars prove that i am the suicide queen

i am not your cecilia, and this is not your dream
i arose from the sea just to find you were gone
i should have killed myself when i was nineteen

my tongue's been cut out so now i can't scream
you never did care for the songs of the swan
these scars prove that i am the suicide queen
i should have killed myself when i was nineteen

someone i used to know (august 2012)

The hardest thing was to let you go - 
watching your back as you walked out the door. 
Now you're just someone I used to know. 

Seeing you leave was the hardest blow. 
It wasn't the first time. I'd been left before. 
The hardest thing was to let you go. 

It all went downhill a year ago. 
I should have guessed what you had in store. 
Now you're just someone I used to know. 

We took things fast when they should have been slow. 
You gave me enough but I still wanted more. 
The hardest thing was to let you go. 

You were on top and I was below. 
I was your toy and I couldn't be more. 
Now you're just someone I used to know. 

Our relationship ended when I thought it would grow. 
You came back, you saw me . . . and chose to ignore. 
The hardest thing was to let you go.
Now you're just someone I used to know.