this infection

i no longer find your particular kind of madness
charming. you do strange drugs
and chase young girls the way you
once chased me.

i was too young and naive to know what
i was getting into when i first met you.
you charmed me. i was an easy mark.

i was only eighteen and you swallowed me whole.
i was the rot in your stomach, the one you could
not get away from. i was the one who followed you.
i knew your every move

and when you left, you left me
hating the one you left me for,
when i should have been hating you.

but  i can remember the day i stopped loving you,
the relief of no longer being two.

you are the same, and i am the one who has changed.
now i can see that you are the one who is sick. not me.

you were the problem. not me.

i was only eighteen.